Two-Year-Olds Times Two

If your twins are around age two (or even a year and a half), you’ve probably run into some familiar moments: “I do it myself!” Tears, defiance, or total resistance to your requests.

Welcome to what many lovingly call... the terrible twos.

But here’s the thing—I actually think there’s something really beautiful about this stage.

If we try to see the world through our kids’ eyes, this is the first time they’re discovering that they have their own desires, their own ideas—and they’re starting to explore them. They’re trying to figure out what they can do on their own.

And isn’t that exactly what we want for them?

Well… yes and no. We want them to stand up for themselves—outside the house. When they’re facing peer pressure, or dealing with unfair demands. But inside the house? We mostly want them to just… listen to us.

Here’s the truth: you can’t have it both ways.

What they learn at home is what they’ll apply out in the world. So if we want them to stand their ground out there, we need to give them space to practice it in here, too. At home. With us.

So let’s agree: this pushback, this testing of limits—it’s not bad behavior. It’s growth.

Now the real question is: How do we actually parent through this stage? Do we let them run the show?Let them decide everything?

Clearly—no.

Not only is that unrealistic, it’s not good for them. Two-year-olds don’t yet think in organized ways. They can’t anticipate consequences. That’s why they still need our structure, our guidance—and yes, our boundaries.

So let’s talk about that word: boundaries.

What does it really mean?

It means deciding what’s important to us and holding firm in those places. But before we jump into setting limits, it’s just as important to support independence wherever we can.

When you’re thinking about the boundaries in your home, ask yourself:

• Are there too many?

• Are we blocking every opportunity for learning and growth?

Because sometimes when our kids are testing limits, we actually need to check in with ourselves: Is this a boundary that really matters? Or could we soften it and give them a bit more space?

Let’s say your kids love jumping on the couch and it makes you nervous. If your concern is them doing it without supervision, then maybe it’s okay with you there.

Instead of “You’re never allowed to jump on the couch,” You can say: “You can jump, but only when I’m here watching you.”

So—what makes a boundary work?

Here are 5 things I think every parent should know:

1. Make the boundary yours Instead of saying “You can’t…” or “You have to…,” speak from your side. Let them know what you allow or don’t allow, and what will happen next.

For example:

• Instead of “You’re not allowed to draw on the wall,” try:

  “If you draw on the wall, I’ll have to take the marker.”

• Instead of “You have to come to the shower,” say:

  “If you don’t come yourself, I’ll need to bring you.”

• Instead of “You can’t come into our bed,” say:

  “If you come into our bed at night, I’ll take you back to your bed.”

  
  

2. A boundary isn’t just words—it’s action This one’s big. We love explaining things, thinking that if we just make it make sense, our kids will cooperate.

But they usually don’t. Kids learn from what actually happens, not from what we say.

If something is physically possible, they assume it’s allowed—even if we’ve said it’s not. So if you don’t want them drawing on the wall, don’t just warn them. Step in and stop it before it happens.

Always choose boundaries you know you can follow through on.

3. Boundaries need consistency One-time isn’t enough.Choose a response you can keep up with over time.

4. You don’t need to get angry Actually—it’s better if you don’t.

Anger doesn’t help. It clouds your message, and it weakens the boundary.

Boundaries work best when they’re calm, clear, and to the point. No drama. No emotion. Just follow-through.

5. Expect a reaction—and let it happen Your child might cry, yell, or meltdown. That doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong.

It just means… they didn’t get their way. And they’re upset. That’s okay. It’s actually part of learning how to handle frustration.

Let them feel it. Let them move through it. If you get angry at their anger, it undoes everything you were trying to teach.

If you stick with these principles, your child will eventually understand: this is a real boundary.

Now... what if you’ve got two of them?

Yep—it changes things.

First: Expect to do things twice. One twin doesn’t necessarily learn from the other. More likely, when one tests a limit and sees your response, the other thinks, “Wait—does this apply to me too?” and tries it for themselves. Totally normal.

So take a deep breath. You’ll need a little extra persistence.

Second: As they get older, you’ll start to see what I call “coalitions”—moments where they team up against you.

You’ll feel like no one’s listening.But really, it’s just boundary testing in a more advanced form.

And that? That’s a topic for another post.

In the meantime—give it a try.

And I’d love to hear from you:

What’s working in your home?

What feels challenging?

Drop a comment below—I’m always happy to chat.